Ok, I love food…I love food that’s not really too healthy (though I have had a lot of flavourful heart-friendly meals). There’s just something about butter; it seems that it’s the only reason Premium Plus crackers exist – butter holders. I never make coffee at home without cream, and all of my baking avoids the unnaturalness of margarine. Something that doesn’t really spoil scares me.

I’ve been thinking about this recently as we move into the Christmas season. Baking cookies, roasting turkeys and just eating too much. Today I’m having people over for a type of pot-luck before everyone heads south for the holidays. The theme? Go international. Since all of us have spent time out of the country – and the continent – I have a feeling that a lot of asian food will show up.

Now, as I get into this cooking frenzy, it’s becoming glaringly clear why we’re so huge on this side of the world. Butter. It’s also the secret to extreme flavour. Can you have it both ways? Can you achieve awesome flavour without the calories? Well, I think that, if you have a good mix of sesame oil, garlic, and ginger, perhaps you can. Unfortunately, that’s only good for the ‘main event’. What about desserts?

Why am I writing this right now instead of doing that last-minute clean-up that is always required? I can’t help myself…I’m feeling sick. First of all, when I work, I usually have the TV on for company. It started with Man vs. Food on TLC. It certainly is no Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution! Why does it take a Brit to show us just how disgusting our eating habits are?

Back to Man vs. Food. One example of the nastiness? He was celebrating the annual bbq which serves – to everyone – a whole chicken, a rack of ribs, a huge sausage, and a massive pulled-pork sandwich with a slop of slaw and a bag of Lay’s Original chips. Each!!! As I said, I like to eat, but I was honestly feeling ill. Next on his eating journey was a 12 patty burger which alternated beef chunks with slabs of real cheese. He had to eat it sideways. Why will people do this for a t-shirt. Check out this website, the aptly titled This Is Why You’re Fat. Some of it’s just extreme for the sake of being extreme, but some of the stuff is actually real! If you decide to flip through it, check out this one: Why? My god…why? Ham, mushrooms, roasted tomatoes, and Emmenthal cheese sandwiched between pieces of french toast topped with two eggs, Hollandaise sauce, and a balsamic reduction. Is that reduction and slice of orange supposed to make it healthy? Whaaaaat?!!?

Now, today, the Phantom Gourmet…another TLC gem. Check out these recipes from the show. Nasty. One of the worst examples? The Butta Burger available at The Tasty Burger near Fenway Park. Yes, scroll down the menu…it’s what you think. A bit slop of Vermont whipped butter slopped on top of a huge patty. You should see how the TV host was drooling over the melted rivelets flowing over the sides. Butter. My favorite ingredient. Making me sick. I really don’t think ‘portion control’ would solve the problem with this dish.

Sweet son-of-a-b…I can feel my ass growing. Seriously.